Batman v Superman - Dogfight - P. A. Nolte

1/ Roulette, seductive owner of the criminal underworld's premiere casino and hedonistic playground, purrs into a hanging microphone.  What can be seen behind her is minimal.  A dirt floor with a trace of a white chalk circle.  Chainlink fence.  Maybe a few outlines of the spectators or flashes beyond can be made out, but just barely.

Roulette: Evening, boys. I hope you scrounged together every last ill-gotten cent for this little number, because this is a once-in-a-lifetime event, and the floor is open!

Roulette: Tonight, we find out which cute, little puppy really is the Ubermensch's Best Friend.  That's right, it's--

2/ Krypto, a white Bull Terrier.  He's out of his mind.  Snarling and snapping.  The collar around his neck is hardcore.  Steel with a cluster of red rocks that are clearly having an adverse effect on him.

Roulette: Krypto!  The Mutt of Steel!

[Betweeen the panels of Krypto and Ace is the VS. chyron.]

3/ Ace, a black Great Dane.  Also out of his mind.  Also snarling and snapping.  The collar around his neck is also hardcore.  Steel with a series of tubes pumping a viscous green liquid directly into him.

Roulete: Ace!  The Bat Hound!

4/ The crowd is full of low-tier DC villains.  Any schmuck with a pair of tights and a strong enough commitment to a gimmick, no matter how terrible. The likes of Condiment King, Blue Snowman,  and Sportsmaster are all in attendance.  Sportsmaster is doing a little wave to the crowd.

Roulette (OP): Ooooo! Aren't they fierce?

Roulette (OP): Let's give a big thanks to Sportsmaster for acquiring all the elements we needed to really make this a show worthy of The House.

Roulette (OP): Each pooch has been outfitted wi--

SFX: KROOM

5/ Over Roulette's shoulder, we see Superman hover through a crumbling wall and into the arena, his eyes pulsing red with the threat of heatvision.  Batman picks his way across the rubble, already wielding a Batarang or three.  The headlights of a Bat-vehicle of some kind, car or jet, illuminate them from behind.

Superman: Roulette!

Batman: We'd like our dogs back now...

Batman v. Superman--“World’s Finest: Lego Batfleck and SuperCavill learn to be Brave and Bold. (Not really.)”--David Press

So I had this wild thought--what if the various media interpretations of Superman and Batman--movie, classic, and Lego (because did you see that Lego Batman trailer? That looks fun!)--and tackled the same problem. How would each save Jimmy Olsen from Brainiac. So I merged all three into one story. 

PAGE ONE: This isn’t going to be easy on us especially since we’re going to be using the variations of Batman and Superman over the years. We’re going to tease all of them on this page.

1.1: We’re going to open on LEGO BATMAN as he comes home from patrol. Imagine the BATCAVE set in pristine Lego glory. The BATWING lands on a launch pad in the cave. Red lights, a computer, and various other things switch on.

COMPUTER [Unattached]:    Welcome home, Master Wayne.

1.2: Cutting away to MODERN BATMAN—Batfleck—jumping out of the jet and onto the platform. ALFRED stands next to him.

ALFRED:              Welcome home, Master Wayne. I’ve prepared your mother’s chicken soup.

BATFLECK:          Thanks, Alfred. Another quiet night, thank goodness.

ALFRED:               Please don’t say you’re “getting too old for this…”

1.3: Cutting away and LEGO SUPERMAN as he lands on the balcony to his and Lois’s apartment in Metropolis. Think of the balcony in the original Superman movie.

FROM OFF:                     Welcome home.

LEGO SUPERMAN:       Thanks. What’s for dinner?

1.4: Now we’re in the modern Superman with Cavill. He sits down at the table with Lois Lane.

LOIS:                Chicken Parmesan. The Parm’s from the farmer’s market.

1.5: Now to the final versions of the characters, I guess we’ll go with the comic interpretations of the characters in the sense that they’re good, decent people. In this case, CLASSIC BATMAN—like from Brave and the Bold—sits down at the computer.

BRUCE:               What’d we uncover this time?

COMPUTER:       A firebombing in the Lake District.

BRUCE:               Looks like I’ll be needing this to-go.

1.6: Now CLASSIC SUPERMAN biting into the Chicken Parmesan. When I mean Classic I mean the Christopher Reeve interpretation of the character—complete with underoos. He’s speaking through a mouthful of food.

SUPERMAN:            Good lord, Lois. Are you sure you weren't lying about where you got this cheese? Did you get Green Lantern or someone to fly you over to Italy to get this fresh Parm?

Batman v Superman - Win, Lose, Or Claw - Perry Kent

Panel 1

Interior of an arcade, dim. Superman holds up his hands in a disarming gesture as if he is trying to calm Batman down. Batman stands with his back to a wall, neon lights and shadows around him, unperturbed. It is not yet obvious they are in an arcade.

1. Superman: We don't need to do this. You are pushing the issue. I don't want to best you.

2. Batman: This isn't about god-given powers, but hard earned skill.

Panel 2

Superman stands at a claw-machine that is filled with stuffed animals.

Panel 3

Inset to panel 2: The claw snaps shut just to the side of a stuffed bear.

3. Superman (OP): Shoot.

Panel 4

Batman stands at the claw-machine, with all the same stuffed animals as panel 2.

Panel 5

Inset to panel 4: The claw snaps shut empty again.

4. Batmn (OP): Hhmm.

Panel 6

Superman and Batman stand in front of the claw-machine, exchanging words.

5. Superman: I guess that settles it. Neither of us--

6. Wonderwoman (OP): Hey guys!

Panel 7

Wonderwoman stands deeper in the arcade, the neon lights of several arcade games behind her. She is holding a stuffed animal in one hand and is smiling in the direction of Superman and Batman (who are likely not on-panel).

7. Wonderwoman: Either of you know how to play Centipede?

-END-

Batman v Superman - Gladiators - Jonathan Morel

Panel 1: A close up of Batman’s face, looking directly ahead of him, to the right. He looks dire, serious, frowning. There should be nothing visible in the background.

(1) BATMAN: Alright, Clark. This will go no further. I will not yield. I will not budge…

Panel 2: A close-up of Batman’s feet forming a defensive battle stance on a hard surface. His back foot seems ready to push off towards what or whoever he is looking at.

(2) BATMAN: Your powers won’t save you from this fate. I’ve calculated every single scenario, provided for every single variable…

Panel 3: A close up his torso and arms, holding what appears to be a battle-staff, gripping the weapon in front of the bat-symbol on his chest.

(3) BATMAN: It’s all on the line now. Nothing will ever be the same after tonight…

Panel 4: A close up of Superman’s face, looking left, with a small rogue-ish smile. Similar to the previous panels, the background is only colour. No shapes or distinguishable features.

(4) SUPERMAN: I guess this is it, Bruce. But remember…

Panel 5: Both men are standing on a suspended bridge in front of a large crowd, sitting in stands, everyone smiling and cheering, tv cameras everywhere. Both men are holding a double-edged foam staff (think American Gladiators) with a pool of water under them. In the background there is a podium with a man standing behind it, and a big flashy sign that says: “Gotham Gladiators: Finals”. The whole thing should be very silly looking. Batman still seems very serious.

(5) SUPERMAN: …this is just for charity.

Batman v Superman - The People Versus Superman - Grant McLaughlin

1 - Batman stands alone in frame, wearing a lawyer wig on top of his costume.  He gesticulates in a manner appropriate to a wordy speech.

BATMAN: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I've gathered you here today because the hero to our nation - to our world - has failed us.

2 - Batman stands in front of the jury box (individual jury members are not visible in this panel), arms behind his back.

BATMAN: Indeed, he has completely and utterly abandoned his core values and beliefs.

3 - Switch angle to show the jury - it's a bunch of Justice Leaguers like Wonder Woman, Flash, Aquaman, Martian Manhunter, and the like.  Pretty much everyone seems between somewhat annoyed and rather exasperated, with Flash as the only exception (he seems to be considering Batman's words very seriously).

BATMAN: There is no more truth.  No justice.  And the only Way of consequence is his own.

4 - Superman sits at a table, as if in a court of law.  Batman stands in front of the table, looking at Superman in disappointment.  Superman looks to be a mixture of apologetic and frustrated.

BATMAN: He has become a stranger to us all.

5 - Superman tries to get a word in edge-wise, while Batman slams his fists down in anger.

SUPERMAN: Bruce, I said I was sorry I ate the last of your peanut butter.

BATMAN: It was very clearly labelled!

Batman v Superman – Poor Winner – MK Stangeland Jr.

(5 Panels)

Panel 1: SUPERMAN, FLASH, GREEN LANTERN, and AQUAMAN are sitting around a table playing a game of cards.

AQUAMAN: May I ask, from a position of curiosity, why it is that Batman was not invited to this?

SUPERMAN: You know that file he keeps with all our weaknesses so he knows how to defeat everyone?

Panel 2: BATMAN and SUPERMAN are playing CHESS – BATMAN has just made the final move.

BATMAN (1): Checkmate!

BATMAN (2): I win.

Panel 3: BATMAN and SUPERMAN are playing SETTLERS OF CATAN with GREEN ARROW and CAPTAIN MARVEL.

BATMAN (1): That makes 10 points.

BATMAN (2): I win.

Panel 4: BATMAN and SUPERMAN are playing RISK against MARTIAN MANHUNTER, ZATANNA, HAWKGIRL, and WONDER WOMAN.

BATMAN (1): And that should accomplish my secret mission.

BATMAN (2): I win.

Panel 5: Back to original scene from PANEL 1.

SUPERMAN: Turns out it doesn’t just apply to how to beat us in a fight.

(END PAGE)

Why Batman v Superman?

Honestly? I could probably just post this if I wanted to give the quick, dirty, and honest answer.

“Who would win?”

It’s an age-old question of endless possibilities. It’s an especially prevalent question among the kind of nerd and geek communities that make up the core comic book fan communities. And there are some variations on the question that could arguably be described as legendary.

“Who’s the better captain, Kirk or Picard?”

“Who’s faster, Superman or The Flash?”

And, of course, “Who would win in a fight between Batman and Superman?”

Which, of course, is silly if you think about it too much. After all, they’re supposed to be on the same side. They are the “Worlds Finest”, after all. But, of course, when two forces meet, the human mind seems wired to try to pick a winner regardless. Does Superman stand a chance when all it takes is the Dark Knight’s prep-time and some Kryptonite? Or does the mere human nature of Batman mean he’s forever doomed to come in second to the Man of Steel?

We’ll probably never have a solid, definitive answer.

But that doesn’t make it any less fun to think, debate, and write about it.